Ode to Fate
by AGhostlyWriter
Summary: A small poem I though you might like until my next update. Recently turned into a series in honor of our beloved Kahlua. I plan on featuring a poem per character. It is my sincere hope that you'll enjoy this little bit of poetry.
1. Chapter 1

**Ode to Fate**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rosario Vampire or any part of its franchise.**

**Enjoy:**

Gather 'round readers and writers, young and old;

For a story that has yet to be told.

I speak of Tsukune, who finds himself often when writers are in the mood;

To be violently, and brutally, and mercilessly screwed.

But not by a girl as you may suspect;

Well, at least, not just yet.

It is by a cruel Mistress that uses him in her ploy;

Because, lets face it, he's her boy toy.

I speak of Fate as you might have guessed;

Who has made his life a thorough mess.

First with a pink haired beauty;

Who when unsealed redefines the word hottie.

Her form is so perfect it can only be called hot;

But her pride pushes her to be a rooster-block.

I am sorry, my dear friends, for I never know where they lurk;

Those very evil censors who make me bleep out the word ferk.

Let us speak now of a vision of beauty;

Though she is a girl, she is certainly no lady.

She has decided Tsukune to be her Destined love-interest;

In order to lure him, she use her two Mount Everests.

Then came a girl with a frightening intellect;

Who, despite her great mind, in still just an insect.

She dreams of a threesome on its very way;

Despite both Tsukune and Moka screaming nay.

Then comes a cool and shy young girl;

Who has all the fashion sense of a hillbilly named Earl.

Though her heart is in the right place and is as pure as crystal;

The boy now walks around with a rape whistle.

After whom arrives a curious witch, very alike a crow;

Whose mind tends to fall very, very low.

Her masochist tendencies and ideas not quite lame;

Could still make Hell look very, very tame.

And then comes a younger girl, a sister in fact;

Who likes to beat out of Tsukune the ever living crap.

Around she goes, with a shape shifting bat;

That makes you ask: Writers, are you on crack?

I forgot to mention a werewolf who thinks he's really cool;

But in fact, as Kurumu described him, he's a just complete tool.

I could go on about the family of the pink haired beauty;

But I hear the censors knocking on my door quite crudely.

So it is time we part, for now at least;

Lest some angry reader arrive and has me as a fest.

I would like to apologize for any mistake you may encounter;

For I assure you its the fault of my god damn computer.

Please do not hate me friends for what I have said;

I just thought I'd write this before going to bed.

So without further ado, I would like to say thank you;

For sticking this far into the poem, mind you.

Stick around fanfiction for a long, long happy while;

It beats going back to the real world by a long mile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ode to Kahlua**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rosario Vampire or any part of its franchise.**

**Enjoy:**

Dear readers and writers, young and old;

I am back once again with an update I find quite bold.

And I hope you understand that I shall not simply fold;

Due to the events of her untimely death being foretold.

In honor of our favorite, most innocent and kind vampire;

For whom all her enemies feel the threat she poses is quite dire.

I dedicate this small piece of fan made poetry;

Before I check to see if I won the lottery.

She walks around in a dress and a pretty little tiara;

With an award winning smile that freaks the hell out of Kokoa.

She moves around with purpose and almost seems to glow;

She may be a little crazy, sure, but just go with the flow.

A polished moral fibber that is as beautiful as marble;

Makes her way cooler than those idiot vampires that sparkle.

You may consider her very alike a dove most times in attitude;

For her greatest asset would be her love her mom thinks crude.

Gyokuro Shuzen would would most certainly disagree;

The victims advocate that concept by always attempting to flee.

Not much good that does them, no matter where they may hide;

There is always a Weeping Woman that has it out for their hide.

Even though she does shout, weep and may even have cried;

Failure is something she can never, ever abide.

So to a murderous white dove, I propose a toast;

Before I too end up splattered all along the coast.

They can try and defend themselves, perhaps hurt her at the most;

Tsukune and the gang only have survived, and for that they can all boast.

Now if I may take a moment to advise a new nickname;

The Weeping Woman sounds kinda sorta lame.

I apologize for that and now take the blame;

However if you like this, give the name some fame.

Write it into your stories, like a truly great writer;

Oh how I feel dirty for acting like a disgraced advertiser.

Excuse me for a second, I must go find a lawyer;

Ikeda might sue me which will make me a big freakin' loser.

I know what you're thinking: "Don't bring him into this AGhostlyWriter!";

But come on, he killed her off and didn't even give her a good last liner.

As far as I'm concerned, she still alive somewhere;

I've gone on my little rant so thank you and there.

Back to the dove, the innocent, the Weeping Woman in White;

The second she starts crying, you had better give up the fight.

If faced with her, you'll live as long as a seven-eleven clerk;

And that alone will make you want to say the words: "Oh ferk!"

And it would seem there still is one single censor;

Who thought it convenient to treat me like a little minor.

To be fair though, she always does follow the protocol;

So much so that a lesser person would drown themselves in alcohol.

Alas, my dear friends, it is time we part ways;

I do hope to hear some of that very beautiful praise.

If you did like this thing, give me a review;

For next you'll see a Black Devil emerge anew..


	3. Chapter 3

**Ode to Akua**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rosario Vampire or any part of its franchise.**

**Enjoy:**

Now comes the story of the infamous Black Devil;

The one most consider to be absolutely evil.

In truth, she holds a great love for her sister;

If only that could compensate for her being a killer.

She can shift and cross into a different dimension;

Handy if you were to get lost in the family mansion.

She neither sobs, screams nor shouts when on a job;

Yet the same can't be said for poor old dead Bob.

He made the very sad mistake of crossing the Miao;

Which he later came to regret as he yelled out: "NO!"

Having been found with his chest utterly ripped apart;

I guess you could say she was a woman after his own heart.

Though she can't be considered to be a candidate for flirtation;

Since it would probably impede on her sisterly fixation.

She might whine and complain saying only she understands her;

There is very little chance that would hold up against a lawyer.

As we are on the subject, I would like you to consider;

What hasn't poor Moka put out a restraining order?

But enough of that lighthearted commentary;

Let's get on back to a topic that is truly scary.

Just when you think you've seen her every trick and ability;

She cuts off Alucard's arm and makes us consider she might be crazy.

You don't even she her flinch and that is indeed very admirable;

If it were me, I would lose it because the thought of dying would be unbearable.

There is a chance she would scoff in the face of certain doom;

Good thing she isn't married or I would pity the unlucky groom.

Could you imagine living with someone like her, very proud and it's no act;

Constantly watching your back while expecting a karate chop love tap.

Fearing for your life day in and day out;

Dreading the time when comes lights out.

No man in his right mind could possibly endure her wild mood swings;

Therefore I propose we throw Tsukune in to try and change things.

Odds are he would die quite slowly and agonizingly.

But I have faith in the boy so I know he won't fail pathetically.

Or perhaps that is simply a pretense to satisfy a fantasy;

However if anyone asks, I would say it was his destiny.

To lose a body part because it might fill her with glee?

No sir, not at all, at worst he would take an arrow to the knee.

I resent such a baseless accusation and insulting provocation;

Fine, I'll admit at this point it would surely be an acute observation.

Yet to think that I have it out for him by putting him with Akua instead of another lady;

Would be false considering I could have thrown him in with dear old, or young, Yukari.

The thought alone makes me cringe so I do hope and pray;

That I'll never witness such a fanfic that would make me scream: "Nay!"

For all you Yukari fans, I do say sorry and please do not take me seriously;

After all, I really don't want to die and make my apartment messy.

In any case, those are my opinions and I'm sticking to my guns:

Akua rules is the basic lesson to be learned from this series of bad puns.

Up next will come the ode to the youngest of the Shuzen sisters;

One who puts to shame almost all other fighters.


End file.
